Mother's Day

I love being a mommy! I have the sweetest girl. Out of the blue she will pick a flower for me, give me a big squeeze on the leg, or load my shirt with stickers because "I love you so so so so so so much Mommy." Makes my heart melt every time!

This Mother's Day started off with some perfect cards from my two favorites! Unfortunately, this was the only time I was able to spend with my girl. But I did cry as my music card opened to Doris Day singing, "I love you a bushel and a peck." (click to listen). Something my mom sang to me and I now sing to LilE. Perfect!

But for the past 3 Mother's Days, I have struggled.

When JD and I got married, our plan was to fill our home with children. We got a bit of a later than desired start due to seminary and moving after graduation. In February 2005 our first child was taken home to be with the Lord after only 6 weeks in the womb. We were devastated. We trusted that the Lord was in control, knowing our hearts desire was still to fill our home.

Almost exactly one year later God blessed us with LilE. His timing is perfect, as was she. We are so thankful for each and every day with her. We know we have never deserved her, but God still had Grace on us and blessed us.

Our desires for a large family had not changed after LilE was born. We thought, in order to have 4 children before we turned 40, we would have to have them fairly close together. We began our journey in May 2007.

Three years have now passed. Our desires for more children continue to be as strong as ever, but we have come to the realization that our plan is not what God has planned for our family--at least not in the way that we had originally planned. 

Emotions are everywhere. There are days of anger, grief, sorrow, pity, loneliness, frustration, jealousy, sadness, devastation, and joy. Joy that I serve a God who knows the big picture. A God who knows my deepest desires. A God who knows exactly what I need and when I need it.  A God who is always there for me. A God who is faithful. A God who loves me with an unending love.

I am thankful for a wonderful husband who has the same desires that I do for our family. He is my strength and my encouragement. He is my sounding board. I am thankful for family and friends who have walked this road before me and for those who are walking this road with me today. But I am most thankful for my God who will carry me all these days and in the days to come, knowing that HIS plan is the perfect plan for me.